November 15, 2018

So this week has been quite dead for the most part however we’ve begun what I like to call The Phantom Menace. A homeless man is sneaking into the hotel at various points in the day and knocking on guests rooms and we’ve found remnants of him in the second floor boiler room.

He also got into the abandoned area of the hotel which was formerly the spa and the housekeepers aren’t locking the doors to their cupboards so he basically can get into all the nooks and crannies of the hotel.

My boss is so relaxed about it, the whole “what can you do?” approach so I’ve decided I’m going to take that approach because I simply don’t get paid enough to go hunting for a homeless man in the remote areas of the hotel so I can be stabbed and never found. Fuck that.

To be continued!

November 14th, 2018

So tonight the drag queen had another seizure, flat out in his bathroom. Had to call the ambulance out and explain to the guest on the phone outside what was going on as three paramedics charged in, just standard these days ‘innit.

On top of that about 4am the police showed up looking for a missing woman reported to be staying at the hotel who was wanted to be brought back to Surrey due to section 2 of the Mental Health Act.

They hung around in the bar till 6am until they got the go ahead to remove her from the hotel, not bad is it? Paid to just have a nap in the bar. This hotel is nuts.

November 9th, 2018

Interesting one tonight. Had a woman phone up and ask if she can book on Expedia and come in straight away, I was like yeah sure go ahead. So about 45 minutes later, this little woman comes in with three men and she was visibly upset, I was thinking the worst. Every dodgy news article and movie plot I’ve ever seen came into my imagination, but they made sure she was safe and then left, a surprise to me at least.

Showed her to her room and she caused a fuss because the room was cold, bare in mind it is cold at night in general and the room was vacant so it’s not going to be the warmest is it. She starts saying she’ll need to get a refund and she might as well sleep outside, which I’m still trying to wrap my head around.

I said I’d find her another room and see if she likes that one, so off we go to the second room at this point she’s mellowed out a bit and she’s not annoying the fuck out of me, she starts saying that she’s had to ask 11 people for help tonight and only one person did etc. Pretty sure she rambled about being in 90 hotels in 18 months which is fucking madness to me, but made sure she was alright then left her to it.

About 20 minutes on, a police officer shows up to the hotel and says there’s been a report about a woman’s safety at the hotel so I ask him if he means this woman that’s just checked in and apparently she had gone into a local kebab shop and asked people for help which I assume are the men who brought her to the hotel and I assume paid for the room as she didn’t.

So I take him to her room and he knocks on, she opens up and INSTANTLY she’s on the defensive giving the officer a load of shit and basically tells him to fuck off and asks if he’s got anything better to do, to which he replies ‘trust me I’ve got lots of things I’d rather be doing’ so off he goes and that’s that for now.

Strange.

November 3rd, 2018

One of the guests has developed a bit of an obsession with one of the receptionists. Spent the last 4-5 hours talking to me about her, apparently she’s got everything he wants and has her head screwed on and all sorts. Not sure about that one, not sure at all. Can see it all going tits up though, he’s a bit of a weirdo. A bit of a hang around the car park in the dark waiting to talk to you type. Will keep you updated.

November 2nd, 2018

An interesting night indeed! Three dancers checked into the hotel and when they came back I showed them a few things in the hotel and told them a couple of stories from the blog itself. Ended up speaking to them for an hour and a bit while they drank champagne. It’s not bad being an entertainer. Probably one of the best interactions I’ve had so far.

October 30th, 2018

So as part of the culling, the cancer man has been kicked out! The half dead bastard has taken the extra key with him so now we’re on the lookout to see if he tries to come back in.

About 6 keys to different rooms have been taken by guests in recent weeks so muggings here has to go checking rooms in the night because a few people have been staying in rooms where no one has been booked in.
Onto the next one tonight.

October 26th, 2018

Something dodgy happening in the hotel tonight, could not tell you what’s going on even if I wanted to as I have no fucking idea. It all stems from the cancer man, he apparently had two women in his room even though the receptionist told him not too he just blatantly ignored her.
He comes out of his room and comes to me and starts asking me if the gay guy who was kicking off the other night is around and I said he’s just gone back to his room. He heads upstairs he’s up there for about 30 minutes then he comes back down goes back to his room and comes back out with a woman, then he heads back up stairs.
About 30 minutes goes by and all three of them come down, except this time the gay guy’s hair is wet and I’m thinking at this point, how gay is he? Has he just had a quick shag from a local Burslem prostitute?
Then this other pair of guests come down now I shit you not this woman is basically Mini-Me from Austin Powers’ sister, she’s fucking tiny. They all keep going back and forth between their rooms, the lobby and the cancer man’s room. I really don’t know what the fuck is going on but it’s something well dodgy.

October 23rd, 2018

So the gay couple have split up, the young one who dumped his ex via breakup note has apparently been going off behind the elder ones back doing stuff with the guy they had a threesome with. Came in at 11 and he’d apparently been punching walls and going mental throwing clothes and all sorts out of the room.

Tried to get served at the bar and was refused so went and bought cans and he’s off on a bender, I’ve just had a chat with him to try and get him to calm the fuck down and take stock of the situation as he’s likely to get kicked out for causing a scene inside the hotel.

Just been completely honest and upfront with him and he throws a tantrum as if he’s a 15 year old school girl shouting “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH!” Just wow. Literally what the fuck is my job.

October 12, 2018

It’s a good one today. This council guest had a fight with his Mrs and she stormed out on the town with the only key to the room (we were going to get them re-cut as scumlords take the keys and they took the key out with them) so he was waiting in the bar for her to come back and he fucking fell asleep in there.

I was poking him, prodding him, yelling in his face to wake the fuck up and he was completely out of it so I turned the lights off and shut the bar door until about 5am when I finally got him to get his ass up and fuck off back to his room.

Thought all was said and done on that department, then I get a phone call from emergency services saying a 999 call was registered to the address and asked me if there’s any disturbances going on and I’m like as far as I’m aware no so she hung up and I was like “Hm, strange.”

Then 15 minutes later they both come downstairs and he’s ranting about how she’s on something and thinks it’s still 10pm and saying she stabbed him with a fork and showed me (it did look nasty) and she had like a stinger of a black eye, she’s saying he hit her, he saying she stabbed him etc.

I’m at this point thinking “Fuck me, it’s 6:30am and I finish at 7, just fuck off.” Then it transpires that the silly bitch has left the key to the room IN the room, so now there’s literally no way of them getting back into the room at this point as all three keys to that room have been lost or taken. So as I left to get my taxi, they were sitting on the steps in the rain arguing with each other still and the morning receptionist was left to deal with it.

October 11th, 2018

Absolutely dead this week to be honest. Mr. PTSD made a one night return which was nice as I didn’t get to say goodbye to him last time and I quite liked having a chat with him, maybe he’ll show up again who knows! To be continued.

Almost had a near death experience too on my rounds, it was proper final destination-esque. Opened the door to the basement and the fucking door closer came off the wall and flung at me if I was a few inches taller I might have took a hit, those things are quite heavy! We’ll see just how long it takes for that to be fixed I’m not holding my breathe to be honest.

The lover boys were fucking playing Ghost Adventures last night, going around the hotel with their phone cameras out recording “strange anomalies” as old as the place is I think the only strange things going on in this place are the guests.

Also this one guy ordered food at 12am and we’re not talking a small amount it was like a fucking feast and then at 3am a driver knocks on the door and he’s got a bunch of food with him says its for the same room and he can’t get a hold of the guy, told him to go knock on the door no answer so this guy just left about £15 worth of takeaway on my desk and a milkshake thing, the guy never came down so I drank his milkshake.